A Deadline and a Setback

Usually, I don’t talk about my Mom. Because I feel sad, helpless and depressed when I do.

Fabrics

She is unwell and seems to have little zest for life.  I do call her once a week and try to cheer her up. Mostly, I fail.  She talks about her ailments, and all things that are not right.  If I make any suggestions (mom, try this; have you considered…; may be you could) they are met with stiff resistance.  I don’t understand, I am told.

10" squares - stacked & whacked

We are very different from each other. Sometimes, that works great – when I tell her a joke and she laughs.  Mostly, we are just so different that I am guilty of not understanding her perspective.

Switch

She just underwent major surgery, which was sudden and my sister (who is a doctor) dropped everything to be with her. 

Block Construction

I felt extreme gratitude towards my sister that she could do for our mother, what I could not.  I also felt relief that I didn’t have to put my life on hold and go to take care of her.

Ready to chain piece

She is scheduled for another surgery in June. This time, I will accompany my sister. 

Clip Corners

I love my Mom.  I tell her that every time I call her. But words are not enough.  And sometimes they can do more harm than help.  

Assembly Line

I think it is time to make a quilt for my mother.  It has to be the most uplifting, cheerful and happy quilt. A quilt that is rich and luxurious and "shows" just how much I love her.

Organization is Key

Sometimes I make a quilt with no one in mind.  Just because I have to make that pattern or use up those scraps etc.  But when I making a quilt that I know will go to a particular person, then something happens.  

One Block

All throughout the process, I am thinking about that person.

Seams Well

What they like what they may not.  So many things go through my mind - times spent together, disagreements, laughter shared, lessons learned etc.  

Half of the Blocks

I believe that all those emotions get captured in the fabric of the quilt.

Trimmings

And here is what I fear/hope/expect - that they will know the sum total of my feelings (good or bad) when they receive/use the quilt.

Will the Block come together?

As I cut and sew the fabrics, a million thoughts raced back and forth through my brain.

The other half of the blocks

We have a past and there were some difficult times in there. 
If I blame her for the unhappiness (arranged marriage and associated complications)of my past, I have to also give her credit for the person I am today. 

Layout

If I take the credit - my courage, my perseverance - for my current blissful state, then may be I should also take responsibility for the difficult times in the past. 

Layout Process

But I was a different person in my twenties.  Not as evolved. 

In the Dark - Value Assessment

And finally, if the past was different, the present would be different too.  I had to go that route in the past to come to the current destination. Did I not?

Difficult Seams

Since I love my present, I have to accept my past - however that came about.

Purple Border and Striped Binding

So much internal dialogue for just one quilt!!! It is exhausting. 

Basting

And it was detrimental.  Very much so. 
There was not enough basting spray left in the can.  The layers did not stick well, resulting in bunching.

Bunched

Discovered after quilting 25 straight lines.  Had to take it apart.

Ripping

It took several hours over two days.  I picked apart the quilting just like I took apart our relationship.

Tweezers to remove little threads

It was a slow, painstaking process.

Lint Roller Sheets

Eventually the layers are separated but the backing is destroyed. 

Ripped Backing

Must find another suitable backing.  Baste, Quilt and Bind. And we leave for India in three days.
Can it be done?  Will I be able to finish it?

Can this quilt (and our relationship) be made whole again?  Time is running out...

Hope your relationships (and quilts) are less tumultuous.  As usual, I'd love to hear from you, even if it is disturbing and painful.  
If you don't hear back from me till mid-June, you know it is because I am away.