Friday, May 29, 2020

I can't breathe...

The pandemic made Maya lose her mojo for sewing, she said.
Mari wrote that she was in deep despair.
I understood but did not share their despondency.
So we have to isolate. That is all. We quilters are good with that. Work and Play continued.
Paul supplied all the hugs and my life went on largely unaffected.

Infections soared and death toll hit an ominous milestone while lies and misinformation flowed fast and free. There was no news that was not directly or indirectly related to the pandemic - what led to it, who is responsible for it, how do we see our way out of it...and so on.

On Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, one of the participants joked - I'd love a "toddler fell down a well" story right about now.  Paul and I laughed.

And then there were stories. Yes, non-pandemic stories. And I could not wish them away.
And now I am in deep despair. I have no mojo. And I am a mess as I type this. But I must.

I know I will get it together, dry my tears and wipe my snot on the sleeve of the t-shirt and begin sewing again. But not now. Not this minute.

Right now I am going to cry and scream. I am going to mourn the killing of Ahmaud Arbery and I am going to grieve over the cruel murder of George Floyd.

I am saddened and I am angry and I am frustrated. Mostly I am disgusted.

What is the color of sorrow?  Anger may be red but what is the color of disgust?
Why is hatred so white and why is hopelessness so black?

I am in this deep pit of sorrow and despair.

Is there any hope? Yes.
I listened to Jacob Frey, the Mayor of Minneapolis, and I saw hope, in spite of his brutal honesty.

Is there anything I can do? Yes.
Here is a list of things that I can do.

If you know of any quilters honoring these black men and their memories, please let me know.

Although the vaccine for Covid-19 is in the works and will become available within a year, I don't know if America will ever have a vaccine to prevent racism.

Here is a community poem shared on NPR - echoing some of my thoughts but with greater eloquence.

I wish it was just the pandemic...


  1. I share you sorrow and disgust - I can not at times believe this is happening still in America where it should no longer be. it happens once and you think maybe it will end and then within weeks or months it happens again and again - in America supposedly the land of the free - why? why are people still like this

  2. I'm deeply sad and angry, as you are. Why, always and again, why...

  3. I can understand your anger and frustration and despair Preeti, I do not understand why people of colour are automatically targeted, and why can't a person go for a jog? It makes me so very very sad this kind of behaviour goes on these days. We hear so much ab9ut people in the US demanding their rights, the same does not seem to apply to people of colour. I wish I knew what the answer was.

  4. A post that should not have to be written, but yet still in 2020, here we are..........

  5. Oh honey! Wish I could be there to give you a hug in person. Many virtual ones for now. There are still more good people than not. Keep being one of the good ones.

  6. I'm so appalled, mad, and deeply sad over these horrible murders and the racism and cruelty that is becoming more and more overt in America. Wishing I had words of comfort for you.

  7. Preeti, you always express your thoughts (and mine, too) so well. If only there were a vaccine for racism.

  8. I am sad and feeling hopeless. There must be a way for us quilters to express or advocate using our craft. Please keep us posted if you come up with anything. How about if we gather blocks from around the world in different shades of skin tones and create something? Anyone?

  9. Hi Preeti! Words of wisdom escape me, and at times it seems hopeless. But I know that to incorrect because I see so much good in so many people. Why remains the question. Why? Why does it keep happening? And what is the color of disgust?

  10. Quilters have always been so good at stitching things together when there is a tragedy. But our country is so broken. Can it ever be stitched back together again?

  11. I am so sad, so angry and so disgusted with this tragic death and the many deaths before. God help us, we must rise above this together and have justice for all.

  12. What makes me really sad is this: while many of us are feeling angry, disgusted, helpless and hopeless, there is part of the population, our fellow citizens, who look on gleefully, cheering on the violence and advocating for further division. That is what makes me really sad. I've never felt so discouraged and fearful for our country as I do now.

  13. What a powerful post. I can’t believe we are wishing it was just the pandemic. I literally cannot watch the video of George Floyd or the others taken down due to their color. I fear for our country and pray for peace and justice not just talk from politicians. And, a cure with a vaccine for the Covid 19 virus. Way too much to handle.

  14. I have been horrified right along beside you, Preeti. My grief is internal. I have no words.