Thursday, July 7, 2016

Side Effects of Marriage (and quilting)

We had a fight!!!


He got angry ( I am sure I provoked the saint of a man.)
And said things that were hurtful.  ( I am sure I deserved it.)
And then he stormed out of the house. (What else could he do?)

Where is the broom?

Needless to say, I went to my sewing machine while tears streamed down my cheeks and sobs convulsed my body.

What a mess!

What shall I work on, I tried to think.

Design Wall to the Rescue

There are bags and baskets to make.  About three dozen of them are still unfinished.

Basketful of Pouches

I could quilt any one of the four quilt tops.  I believe they look at me with such neediness as the cat begging for a sliver of turkey lunchmeat.

Completed KISS flimsy (from Craftsy Blog Hop)

There are at least five new quilts that have to be made for specific recipients - my brother, my friend in India, my high school friend also in India, one of my teachers in India, one of my sister's friends, and her sister-in-law.

Blue Strips for a Future Quilt

No. No. No.
Look at yourself.  You are more pathetic than a pile of ugly scraps.
Sobbing and Crying - you will just ruin fabric and thread.

Some order from chaos

So, I did the only sane thing I could do.  I opened my bag of scraps and went to town.
Who cares if I ruin them, I thought, still sobbing.

I am liking this!!!

Being married, fighting with your spouse is inevitable, in my opinion.
As a quilter, it is inevitable that you will have scraps.

Three Columns of Blocks

So when one side effect threatened to ruin my day, I turned to another.

Finished Flimsy

So will I cook for Paul?
Sure, if he asks nicely, I will.  He still has not.
Guess that means I have more time to myself :-D

So bright and cheerful

Now, that is a good side effect (time for quilting) of a bad side effect (fighting).
Trust me to always see the bright side of things.
And speaking of bright side, this flimsy is not too shabby either.


What do you think?  I am going got call this one Side Effects :-D

Now, that adds another flimsy to my to-be quilted list.  Shall I add this to my one monthly goal?
Why not?

Not sure it will get done.
Because, now that Paul and I have made up, I am feeling sane enough to dive into a new project.

Here is a sneak peek at the auditioned fabrics.

For Angel's quilt

I will be linking with Scraptastic Tuesday and One Monthly Goal, along with all my other favorite linky parties.

And please, please share your thoughts about fighting, coping and making-up too!!!

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that Craftsy is having a 50% off sale on their top classes.

And while I was browsing, I could not but notice that this very yummy Free Spirit by Tula Pink fabric was a whopping 40% off.  No, that is not sale. That is a steal!!!

Free Spirit by Tula Pink

This blogpost contains affiliate links.


  1. All relationships take work. I am glad you were able to work things out.

  2. As always enjoyed reading. Marriage does take a bit of work as does our quilting. Both are well worth the time and effort. Glad all is well in your house including the scraps. Great quilt.

  3. We have all been down that road. Your scrappy happy quilt had a calming affect as you stitched it together.

  4. In my opinion, constructive arguing is beneficial in a marriage. You seem to handle your disagreements with your hubby in a very healthy way. I am sure it only strengthens your bond with him in the end. Love the quilt! So lively and happy looking. :)

  5. I love that you didn't let the hurt take over your day. Relationships can be challenging, but it's those challenges that make us stronger. So many times when I'm hurting I just can't turn to those things that I love. I walk away from my fabric and threads, but you have shown me that something beautiful and therapeutic can rise from the ashes.

  6. That's one way to channel your energies toward the positive side! Sewing is such good therapy! You have lots of projects to tackle now that you've ironed things out with Paul! And they all look beautiful!

  7. My husband and I have done pre-marriage counseling with our church for about 30 years and here are some things w share with the couples.
    1. Stick to the original topic.
    2. No name calling.
    3. Finish the argument even if you have to set a later time to do it.
    4. Never go to sleep angry
    5 Remember you love each other and that makes the work to solve this problem worth it.

    1. Excellent Advice. There is one more that is important.
      6. Remember that there is a higher counselor involved, Jesus. Pray together.

  8. All that lovely lime green in your scrap quilt...making limeade? No...key lime pie!!! From limes. Metaphorically speaking right? How you got that sewn up so quickly I do not know...but I recognize the magnificent orange and lime mandala fabric in there too!! Love the baskets. Are you selling them? Or is it a guild thing? Thank you for for such unabashed honesty; it is a good reminder that no matter how perfect a life it APPEARS we have online, in reality, nope. 36 years next month for MacGyver and me and he still frustrates and annoys the crap out of me sometimes. Of course I am NEVER annoying to him...

  9. Thank you for sharing this so honestly, and thank you for letting us know you made up. It would have been torture to know you had finished the flimsy but still wonder how you and hubs were doing. :)

  10. I had man troubles too - just went downstairs and quilted. He could stew in his own juices.

  11. Remember that "scrap" also means "a fight or quarrel, especially a minor or spontaneous one." I'm glad you made up. (Did you win the argument?) . . . and your new scrappy top looks great.

  12. I believe a marriage is not truly and completely consummated until you have survived the first fight! Your cheerful scrappy quilt top was the perfect mood elevator. I enjoyed your India post, too, by the way. I have never been to that part of the world, so it was fun to see the pictures and experience India through your words and stories (from my air conditioned house!).

  13. Ah, darling, marriage seems so long at times, then one day you wake up and have been sleeping alongside the same man for 20 years and you wonder how it all went so quickly. If you're lucky enough to have children, you wake up just a few days later and they are gone. Off to live their own lives as adults, and you wonder how they grew up so quickly. The years add up so fast that you forget the fights. Certainly you forget why you fought.

    The trick is to choose, both of you, to not fight. Seriously, talk about why, how, when--all of it. Oddly, the fights are usually over the same problems. So you choose not to let those things come between you. I wish we had figured it out early in our marriage. We wasted too much time fighting--there were important reasons, I'm sure, but we didn't need to fight about those problems. We needed to work the problems out together. What an epiphany when we finally figured it out!

    Now we've been married for 38 years. We haven't fought in such a long time. Instead, we are like scientists working together: identify the problem, discuss it, find a solution, resolve it. You know all this marriage counseling about communication, working on your marriage, etc. That's what it comes down to. Honestly, it's that simple.

    BTW your quilt top is just as cute as can be. How do you come up with those perfect names for your quilts?

  14. Love your quilt top - good way to work out the hurt and frustration. I'm glad, too,that you made up. :-)

  15. Sometimes there is nothing like a good healthy fight to get you back on track! I've been married for 34 years, while we don't argue often, it does happens. It is upsetting, but you will go on and so shall he! At least you have a beautiful quilt out of it, with a great name and maybe a few less scraps to worry about!!

  16. I love the name of your quilt - so perfect! Yes, we will argue and fuss and fight, but we always make up. My biggest lesson has been learning how to say 'I'm sorry'. Two little words with a huge impact! You made good use of your marriage time out :) - that quilt is so fun and happy looking!

  17. it "Side Effects" or "The Inevitable" or "Looking on the Bright Side"!

    I've been married for 39 years and we are too lazy to fight about anything anymore. We have become so alike. Here's to your 39 years!!!

  18. You definitely used your recovery time really well. Very pretty scrappy quilt. We just celebrated 24 years of marriage. There are times we disagree, but we are both careful to be sure that we address the actions we don't like, not play a blame game.

  19. I think this is awesome, I just love the bright colors!! and I love the name for it!
    Very fitting :)

  20. Quilting is great therapy and always good at levelling my moods. I am glad it helped you out and what a great result. Thanks for linking up to #scraptastictuesday

  21. I just love the colorful scrapiness! And the name too!

  22. So normal to disagree - when I get angry it is often not at Ian - but something else that is distressing me. Then something petty will rile me up. He understands this about me and gives me time to come to my senses and then we talk about the real issues. Right now I have to reapply for my job - it is stressful as all the managers are laid off. And there are fewer jobs than managers. So…. I blow up.

  23. Preeti, the fact that you can call Paul a "saint of a man" says so much about your love for him right there. My husband and I have had some doozies of fights. One thing that has helped cut down the frequency and duration is that we've both learned to ask ourselves "Will this still matter in five years." That works pretty well.

    I like how you poured yourself into creating this wonderful scrappy quilt while you were so upset. It was a very lovely side effect and good therapy! I'll have to try that sometime too. :)

  24. Great quilt and great posting..having had our 48th anniversary last week and having been HS sweethearts for about 5 years previous... Let me just say,,, quilting is the best hobby you can have:)) Now retired and having my very own room for sewing, I can tell you it will carry you thru MANY bad times..
    As for the favorites.. love the "Shibori" and YES,, i am drowning in over 40 yrs. of collected fabrics (love every piece of it)! The Shibori is 20 FQ and i have the perfect "vintage" FQ pattern for it.. Would love to share it with you.. I just know you will love "Barbara's Antique".. if you can send me your email address will send it along!!

  25. Anyone who has been married a long time and has never rowed is frankly living in cloud cuckoo land . And you got a great quilt into the bargain !