Friday, February 26, 2021

This is (mostly) a rant!!!

Warning - this is a rant. Proceed at your own risk.

I had neither the time nor the desire to write this post. But I had to because I was so seething with anger and disgust. And if not here then where else?

Let's call her Auntie Marilyn. I am so tempted to use her full name, but I am not going to. Because I am better than that.

Let's start at the very beginning. The year was 2015 when Jenny Doan of Missouri Star Quilt Company shared this tutorial on youtube.  You can buy the pattern Double Square Star on Missouri Star Quilt Company's online store.

When I saw the tutorial, I thought - I don't care for all that snowballing so I came up with another method to make the same pattern and shared it here, acknowledging Jenny.







A few years passed.  In December 2019, over the Christmas break, I started contemplating the Rainbow Scrap Challenge blocks for 2020.  

I considered my take on the Double Square Star tutorial. In the post "Best of 2019" dated January 1, 2020, I shared my audition block for RSC 2020.  It was a variation of the Double Square Star - as I wrote it.


Reversed Colors and Background


The block looked heavy and dense like a fruitcake. The block was then refined with snowballed corners :-D  Guess, I had evolved over the years. Moreover I had received the diagonal seam tape (as a Christmas present from Mari), which made the snowballing less painful. I shared it in this post dated January 12, 2020.


From January through October in 2020 I made these blocks in colors of the rainbow as suggested by Angela. 





Based on readers' request for a pattern/tutorial for the block, I shared rough instructions here and then the full blown tutorial here




When I completed the quilts Serenity and Courage and shared on one of the FB quilting groups, I received so much love and comments. And then Auntie Marilyn appeared.  A little knowledge and absolute power - what could go wrong?

Auntie Marilyn accused me of "taking credit for someone else's work", reprimanded me for using the Trellis pattern designed by Cluck Cluck Sew all because my post said "I designed and pieced this quilt".

I tried to explain to her that our patterns only "looked" similar. Specifically I pointed out

1. Trellis uses jelly roll strips. Picket Star does not. In fact, Picket Star carefully chooses two fabrics that are different in value by a few shades. The construction processes of the two patterns is completely different.

2. In Trellis, the Picket Star is created as a secondary pattern. In Leela, Serenity and Courage, the Picket Star is the focus pattern and it creates a totally different secondary pattern - a fat starry shape (quilted beautifully by Rebecca), see below.


Image from Rebecca Grace Quilting, used with permission


3. The secondary blocks created in Trellis have a solid center. Picket Star has a light and airy center. 

Auntie Marilyn was so understanding. NOT.  

If she could see the differences, or if she could read/understand my explanations, I would not be writing this rant now. Would I ?

She responded "a log cabin is a log cabin even if you change the setting. I will not argue this point". 

This was too stupid to dignify with a response.

Somebody please tell Auntie Marilyn - There is a wide variation in log cabins and their design possibilities are endless. See the two log cabin quilts below. 

Sonika (Log Cabin Baby Quilt) 2019


Sun City (Log Cabin Challenge Quilt), 2016


Speaking of variations, take a look at this Modern Flower Quilt pattern from Alyce of Blossom Heart Quilts. Do you see the similarity with the Picket Star Block? It even has the same secondary block shape. It is similar but not same. Therefore I am not attacking her or insinuating that she stole my pattern (or Jenny's pattern or Trellis pattern) and then sold it!!!

Not only Auntie Marilyn wrongfully accused me of something I did not do, she grew all preachy on the entire group posting "I will not tolerate..." 

Auntie Marilyn deleted all the comments/conversations where I tried to point out the differences in the two patterns and then Auntie Marilyn deleted me. I don't know if the original posts showing Serenity and Courage were deleted too, because I am no longer part of the group. 

Most importantly, I must ask - what credit did I take?  What profit did I make?

Even if the pattern was same (which it is not), all I had done was share my finished quilt pictures. There were no links to my blog.  No mention of the free tutorial on my blog. I was not self-promoting. I was not trying to sell anything. 

So, Auntie Marilyn, Shame on you. You are a bully and you are ignorant and you disgust me.  You can take your FB group and put it where...

Paul: Babe?
Me: Yeah?
Paul: How was your day?
Me: Awful. Some bleeping know-it-all rained all over my parade.
Paul: I am so sorry.
Me: In fact it has been so awful that it can only get better.
Paul: That is my girl!!! Would some dinner cheer you up?
Me: Not any dinner. I want smoked salmon.
Paul: So you want to go to Sweetwater?
Me: Yes.
Paul: You know I am getting a Drunken Ribeye.
Me (eyes rolling): Yes. 
Paul (naughtily): I love when you say YES to me.
Me (smiling): I always say YES to you.
Paul: When can we leave?
Me: Give me 10 minutes to wrap this up.

Trust Paul to rescue me - Every. Single. Time.

In spite of the negative reasons that prompted this blogpost, I have to end it on a positive and uplifting one...even if I must borrow the goodness from elsewhere.  

1. Read Rebecca's post about quilting Courage. What she wrote felt like the first raindrops on parched earth, especially today. Do read my comment too. I hold nothing back.

2. Read Tanuja's poem - Have you ever hugged a tree?

3. Read this very touching story (you may need a tissue) from Bernie about the impact of Mercyful Quilts.

In the end, I am glad that the Rebeccas, Tanujas and Bernies (Cathy, Maya, Sylvia, Mell, Mari and Emily too) in my life way outnumber the bleeping know-it-alls.


Work in Progress


Island Batik March Project in progress


I won't be sharing this post with any linky parties. But you are welcome to do so.

And now I have a quilt to finish and a real blogpost to write. If this blog has ever brightened your day or made you smile, please send me a hug.  I will return it with interest :-)


78 comments:

  1. Hugs to you, Preeti! The world is full of Marilyns and they are hell bent on getting things riled up. They have no respect for others and even less for themselves. Brush yourself off and put this behind you. You did the right thing and she knows it, even if she can't acknowledge it. Hugs!

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  2. Extra big hugs to you, Preeti, and extra smoked salmon too! I am so sorry one person was unwilling to hear rational discussion against what she apparently already decided. I've always loved your Picket blocks and I hadn't seen anything similar. And all quilters work with the same geometry, of course people may independently come up with things that are different but look similar. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Yay to Paul who can make you feel better!

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  3. Those self appointed quilting police usually ruffle my feathers too. I don’t even try to reason with them. I just block them and move on.

    Hugs from Oregon!

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  4. there is always a bully out there somewhere - it is upsetting but try to not let it bother you - some facebook groups can be so vile and no it all type of people - you are no longer part of the group so leave it behind. We all love you here!

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  5. Hugs to you Preeti!, huge hugs! You (and Paul) are one of my favorites to read. But I have to say I would be with Paul on that steak!

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  6. Oh boy, Preeti. Disregard anything that nasty person has said. From the time I have been reading your blog you have been nothing but kind. You also share so much of your work for others to use. Please know that there are many more in the quilting world that appreciate what you do and you make them very happy too. We all support you and you do not need that person.
    Have a great weekend. I might go and sew some more Sisters blocks now. I was wondering what I was going to do today....

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  7. Many many hugs Preeti, do not let that woman bother you any more, so many of us get so much pleasure from your posts, we learn, we see wonderful colour, wonderful quilts and wonderful conversations between you and Paul. Never let the turkey (Aunt Marilyn) get you down!! Sadly there are many of those kinds of people in the quilting world, but we would rather hear from you. I enjoyed the links towards the bottom of your post and yes I have hugged a tree, you should have seen hubbies eye roll :-)the card and photo from the quilt recipients was just beautiful and yes I did need a tissue. Loved Rebecca's post too, right I am off to give my Sisters quilt a hug for you.

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  8. I like the variety of backgrounds you introduced in this piece. I am now debating. This block or your colorful log cabin example for the great nex quilt? The quilting courage post was profound and touching. Thank you for a productive rant.

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  9. Ahhhhhhhhh...hang in there. THere are ALWAYS the 'witches' that know it all and feel the need to tell it all. What miserable lives they must have. The rest of us are just happy you're sharing! CHEERS!

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  10. Oh, Preeti, I am so sorry! Your posts always make me smile and feel just a little more human.With the past year being what it was, the loud, the strident, the hateful got most of the attention. Kind, brave and thoughtful people like you are needed to remind us of what we can be.

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  11. I'm just so sorry this happened. I'm sending a big hug.

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  12. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, because I know the hurt and tears and anger and frustration this causes. Firsthand. (https://cathyscrazybydesign.blogspot.com/2019/03/lattice-birds-its-finish.html)
    My only regret was not having a way to reply to my anonymous accuser. They are bullies and very sad, inflexible and unhappy people. (And they’re probably Republicans - which is just a standard joke in our house) (and only inserted here for humor because I don’t really believe that). xoxo

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  13. "Auntie Marilyn" must be the Captain of the Quilt Police in your area!!
    Just ignore her hurtful, harsh, and high-falutin' words. So sorry this happened to you, Preeti;(((

    Your posts always inspire me and lift my spirits. hugs x2 Julierose

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  14. Of course your blog brightens our days. Sending you a big squishy hug! xo

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  15. Oh, Preeti, she is so wrong. Your pattern and design is original, and copyrights are based on your method of sewing, your words in creating the instructions, even if based on a long-in-the-public-domain block like log cabin. There are too many trolls on FB, really. Do not let one, self appointed quilt police, misguided and ignorant person shake your confidence or your creativity. You were absolutely right to rant here, sew on!!!!

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  16. Sending you a big hug. I honestly have no idea what makes people be so angry. There are so many words in my head, it would take all day, and we'd both be angrier for it, so I'll just send the hugs and tell you I don't believe you've done anything wrong. Keep quilting. Keep believing in the good in people. And definitely hang onto that hubby, drunk ribeye and all!

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  17. xoxo.. Much love.... "our words have the power to hurt or heal" https://www.becomingminimalist.com/chris-norton-words-of-hope/?fbclid=IwAR1GIyWsf6sGKQjatHfkJKaMJc64httriCaIuc0q9ANnIub0hAtx1AfY21M

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  18. Once upon a time in the dark ages (2007) I made a quilt. It was my second quilt and I didn't grow up in a quilting household. I was asked for the pattern. People had patterns for quilts - who knew? I tried to tell her what I did from notes to myself as I worked. She complained that I wasn't clear. One of her comments referred to me trying to make a basic block something I created. I didn't even know there were basic blocks. Having been a researcher in an earlier life I looked up the block name she gave. I found about 20 different variations some on heritage sites some in new patterns. I found that blocks are not generally identical and that nuances seem to make all the difference. I also found that how a block is combined into a quilt makes for differences that most recognize. Auntie Marilyn may be upset but she is upset at the real world and how it works. I have bought a pattern using a block that I had already bought a pattern for just to see how the sashing was combined. You attributed where you could. You personalized the block. It is over except for her hurt feelings.

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  19. Hello Preeti - I'm a devoted reader but not a commenter --til now. I am amazed by your talent and awestruck by your writing! I eagerly wait for your posts and cannot tell you how many times you have said what I need to hear. I don't know you but I love everything you represent. Bah humbug to that small mean person - consider her vaporized! You bring joy to many and you must continue! Hug Hug Hug (even tho I'm not a hugger.)

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  20. Preeti, I ALWAYS enjoy your blog posts. Your quilts are unique, creative, and beautiful to look at. And your blog posts, due to your kind spirit, thoughtfulness and way with words, are always a pleasure to read. Please know that the Auntie Marilyns are insecure, unhappy people. It's a shame her meanness hurt you. Hugs, Jan

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  21. Dear Preeti, I'm sorry you had that experience with the Facebook bully. I've been reading your blog for a long time and you're always clear and honest about your inspiration and how you've made your quilts. Like in that Geico commercial, you have an "aunt" problem! I hope now that you've written out your feelings, you can laugh about it. Love and hugs coming your way!

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  22. Oh, honey. . .some people aren't happy unless they're making other people unhappy. The same kind of thing has happened to all of us, and it happens to famous quilters, too. Don't let hateful people ruin your mood. It's not worth it and just makes them happy. Your quilts are beautiful, and I hope you enjoyed your salmon. Paul is a wise man. Many virtual hugs!

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  23. Sounds like Auntie Marilyn doesn't have a firm grip on the real world. Don't give it another thought Preeti. It isn't worth your time or energy. You have a kind heart and a lot of talent. She sounds like she's got some issues......
    We all LOVE YOU!!!!

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  24. OH GOOD GRIEF. Some people love to get up in your face and really have NO reason to. I looked at the various quilts/blocks you linked to... none of them are your block. I would ditto what Carol of My Carolina Home... you can't copyright a basic, old design... but you can copyright a new method for making the old design. That said, this looks like a new design to me. Being kicked out of an online group means you'll have more time for creating. Kudos to Paul for being super understanding. Hope you had a great dinner. I'm looking forward to your next post and new fun quilts.

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  25. Sorry this happened to you. I think Aunt Marilyn needs a l o n g time-out!

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  26. A great BIG soft, squishy hug from soft squishy me! Auntie Marylyn was on a power binge in her very, very LITTLE FB world. And she is stuck there while you go forward with your wonderful creativity and all the support you see here. Lots of love, and more hughs, to you, my friend.

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    1. that should be "and more HUGS". Ah heck - more hugh hugs!!!!

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  27. You ARE better than than. There is nothing brand new in geometry, only minor tweaks and improved ways of putting things together. Auntie Marilyn is a classic example of Little Hitler syndrome and one of the chief reasons why I avoid FB and IG like the plague. Your blog posts, on the other hand, are highlights to which I look forward with much enjoyment. Seriously, if you miss the collective experience, start your own group and call it Anti-Aunty, welcoming all quilters who have been *falsely* accused of plagiarism and copyright infringement. We can all have a jolly good rant... and then move on, to show something clever, original and beautiful, leaving the petty police behind us.

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    1. PS, dear Preeti: चाची एक मोटी मोटी कुतिया है

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  28. Ugh!! I am SEW sorry that Auntie Marilyn rained on your parade, Preeti. How rude!! Please accepted this biggest of quilty hugs.

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  29. I feel sorry for anyone who has nothing better to do than to spread her misery around. Such a shame it was you, someone so kind hearted and generous, who fell prey this time. I guess we all get a turn sooner or later. Hope you’re feeling better after your rant and some salmon. You’ll always top my list of favorite quilting friends!

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  30. What an awful person. A bully is exactly what Auntie Marilyn is!!! I have a quilty hug for you too.

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  31. QuiltMaker Magazine has had a great series of articles about copyright and what is and is not copyrightable. I looked at each of the patterns and have to say that your quilt is not the same and there isn't any violation. Plus, I agree with Carol - it's the DIRECTIONS that are primarily copyrightable, not necessarily the image. Traditional quilt block images are in the public domain and not copyrightable. Sending hugs your way. Keep your creative focus on the amazing things you create and the love you share through your quilts. We all love you!

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  32. hugs - great big hugs! I get personal direct emails every once in a while that have me seething like this... from now on - I will direct them to you post - you say it well and eloquently... hope the salmon was yummy!

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  33. Urgh. Sometimes, people just suck. Your quilts are beautiful and I enjoy reading all about them.

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  34. I can't believe that the Quilt Policewoman has nothing better to do. I think people get too glued to their high horses and forget that this is a wonderful community of quilters who give to others more than we give to ourselves. She's getting her panties twisted over nothing and it's not fair. You go ahead and rant...you drop those sites that bring negative energy. My own reading of your honest, loving and playful blog tells me that this "Auntie" doesn't understand you or deserve to be in your orbit!! I see a miserably unhappy and snooty person between the lines of her text.

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  35. John Stuart Mill explains, in 1869, why you can never win an argument on the internet. The essence is if an opinion is rooted in feelings, it's almost impossible to get through to anyone unwilling to listen. While it's so frustrating, I often remind myself of this to prevent myself from going crazy.

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  36. What a ridiculous attitude! Many quilt blocks are similar, but clearly you did design this version and process. What an a-hole!

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  37. I'm so sorry. These kinds of people exist in every community of the Internet, their dark selves coming out under the cover of being anonymous. The person - it might not even be female - is putting on an little show, hoping for a good audience. You did the right thing - no name mentioned to make them more famous. I am glad you are not closing your blog or your comments because of it. Stay strong, we all love you.

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  38. So sorry a "Marilyn" came into your life----I love you and all you share with us

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  39. Hugs to you, Preeti! I had just read your post about your lovely Courage and Serenity quilts, when I saw the email notification of this post. Who knew you would need the courage to (try to) change what must be altered in Auntie M’s thinking right after publishing your post?! I have lots of thoughts on pattern publishing that are best kept to myself, but now I think I’d better go check my log cabin quilt posts to see if I gave proper attribution. But how will I ever find that person who made the first one?

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  40. Sending you big (((HUGS))) from across the pond (England) - love reading your posts :)

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  41. Hi Preeti! I have always been called to injustice - to acknowledge and fight against it. It runs rampant in so many arenas lately but to find it in the quilting genre, too?! I might be going out on a limb now but probably everything that could ever be designed has already been done so. If you're doodling around and come up with a "new" block, it probably has already been thought of and made into a quilt. Hence the exact same quilt block being known with 14 different names. No one is trying to steal anyone else's thunder - they truly thought they were the first person to think of it. I don't recall that you are selling your pattern or trying to file for a patent suggesting originality of your design. So, forget about that bully - that is exactly what she is. Don't let her take up any space in your memory or she "wins". {{Hugs}} The injustice of her message just makes my blood boil. ~smile~ Roseanne

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  42. Of course, every one of your posts brightens my day, even the rants. And the ones that include conversations with Paul are double brighteners. You can't win with the "Auntie Marilyns" of the world any more than you change the mind of a Trumper. I've been following a month-long Real Happiness Meditation Challenge led by Sharon Salzberg. Her advice to you would be to take a moment and silently address Auntie Marilyn by saying "May you have peace or May you be happy", then move on and in the words of a famous movie song "Let it go". Those of us who regularly read your blog (not just look at the pictures which, I guess, is what some people actually do), know how much effort you have put in looking for the origins of the block inspirations you discover. You put your heart into everything you do and we all love you for it. So if you're not overwhelmed by hugs already, I'm sending you a few more.
    Pat

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  43. Hugs from Massachusetts! You know how they say there are only seven stories/plots in the world? One could certainly take any quilt and say, "Oh, that's a combination of..." It doesn't mean anyone has copied from anyone else.
    You are always so gracious about sharing what you do and giving credit anywhere you get ideas. I'm sorry that a rude Facebook busybody acted in this way.
    I enjoy your blog; thank you!! :)

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  44. What a downer way to start your day. So sorry this happened. But your ideas and thinking behind making the block easier to make is genius. Very clever indeed.

    So just keep your chin up and move on from the FB quilting police lady. Easier said than done though I know.

    Your quilts are lovely, inspirational!

    Here is another hug!

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  45. Oh boy, some people just don't know what to do with their spare time, and think they are keeping the keys of what is right/wrong. Just ignore her, and focus on your talents, your amazing quilts, and inspirational blog posts. Hugs from France ;)

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  46. I'm sending you a big hug; please don't let stupid, ignorant, bullying people upset you and stop you. I love your blog; it makes me think, it makes me cry and I get new and different blocks to try. :-)

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  47. UFF DA!!! I've had two "trolls" spring out at me on the Internet. One of them was even threatening to call my pastor and tell him that I'm a horrible person and I should be, what? Put in the stockades on the church lawn or excommunicated or something? I have no idea. I don't even remember what I wrote that set her off in the first place. She thought it was unChristian of me to have such a fancy sewing machine or something. It doesn't matter how ridiculous or baseless the troll's claims are; you still feel attacked and violated and want to hide under the bed with a bowl of ice cream. Or salmon; to each her own... ;-). Is this Aunt Marilyn the owner or moderator of the FB group, and can you at least tell us which group it is so we can ALL high-tail it out of there in a mass exodus, before she comes after one of us? I would tell you that her claims and accusations are ridiculous, but we all know that already. As I'm pondering all of this, trying to understand where this Aunt Marilyn might be coming from... I feel like there's bitterness and envy of those who are able to create without patterns, and an accompanying disbelief that it's even possible to create a quilt block experimentally, making changes as you go along until you're satisfied with the finished block. She probably thinks that EVERYONE who posts an original quilt design is lying, that they are all secretly using someone else's pattern and trying to take credit for someone else's work. Whatever. Envy is the thief of joy, and Aunt Marilyn will ultimately punish herself with her wild accusations more than she could ever hurt you.

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  48. My Mother always said " Consider the source", when you receive hurtful comments. Continue sharing your beautiful quilts wih all of us and ignore her. Thanks for all the inspiration.

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  49. Ignore the bullies. They bully because they are missing something in their life like friend, love and manners. You have many friends that love you and obviously with good manners. Big hug to you

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  50. Preeti, You are a hero. Why oh why are some people so hurtful? You are such a kind soul and your work is sublime. Keep writing. Keep sewing. Hugs!

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  51. Pretti, so sorry to hear about Aunti M. Thankfully most people are NOT like her! HUGS!

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  52. Please don't let this woman ruin your day!! Keep up your wonderful work, sending you lots of hugs and good vibes from Spain!!

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  53. There are so many bullies in the world. They have issues for sure! We love you and really, really enjoy your blogs and quilts. BIG HUGS! Glad you could say how you feel...I need to learn to do that more. WE got you!

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  54. Much love for your kind and joyful spirit! Hugs, hugs and more hugs wrapped up in one of your beautiful colorful quilts!!!!!

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  55. I'm so sorry for this trouble but so glad you have Paul in your corner. You are a delight. And you reinforce why I won't get on FB.

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  56. Well said- sometimes rants are justified- how wonderful Paul is there for cheering you. Big bushels of hugs from CA. Bobbiesews

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  57. I do love a well-written and justified rant--thank you! I also love your blog, your quilts, your prose, and your obvious love for your family and friends. You always brighten my day!

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  58. Long time reader who rarely comments - Auntie was most definitely in the wrong, Sheesh.

    I love your blog, your writing, and your cheerful heart. <3

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  59. Oh Poo! Auntie needs to hop back on her broom & fly away! Trolls are everywhere - they feel empowered say anything on line because they are anonymous. Sad. Pay them no mind and I would not waste time trying to explain it to her.
    HUGS & MORE HUGS to you and sweet Paul!!!! I do not think the blocks are the same and I prefer yours! Not as heavy. Keep up the beautiful work and inspiring posts. Just hit delete when you need to.

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  60. Auntie Marilyn is one unhappy person who is a self righteous bully and not worthy of your time.

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  61. You are a gem and your light continues to shine. Paul, too, is a gem! Glad he could help you and really she is not right about this: blocks and techniques are not copyrightable, patterns are. Things look alike because geometry is limited. I think it looks like a tile pattern you see in lots of places that is exactly this. Aunty is wrong...your are good dear Preeti.

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  62. I hope Paul is as lovely in real life as he appears in your blog. With him always on and by your side and all of us loving your stories, your quilts, and your wonderful heart, the Marilyns of the world are small potatoes. Of course, we all send you hugs and peace.

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  63. Hi Preeti - I know we don't know each other well, but you may know me well enough to know that I mean this with love in my heart for you, and disdain for the nosy parkers among us: fuck those fucking fuckers all the fucking way outta here. This is kind of my motto for a lot of things, these days. Hugs, and may your Serenity grow just enough to wrap all the way around you so there are no cracks where the boorish, unkind words slip in.

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  64. Sending you hugs today and lots of love! Some people just don't get it, no matter what IT may be. LOTS of hugs!

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  65. Don't let the naysayers get you down! Almost all quilters are making blocks that are thanks to quilters of decades ago. So you modified a design to make your quilt: that's what quilters do. We're creative, inventive, and generous - or almost all of us are - wink, wink, nudge, nudge!

    Hugs!

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  66. I can see a similarity but your methodology appears very different from the Trellis pattern. Completely different setting. I enrolled in the Copyright Camp at Just Wanna Quilt -- are you familiar with it? Very useful.

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  67. Hugs. Lots of them. And now on with the show! Can't wait to see the rest of the teaser photo "WIP" You ROCK!

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  68. Pretti, I speak for the quilters that matter. You have been kind and generous with your skills, humor and writing. You make a difference. A big difference. There are lots of Auntie Marilyns out there. Try not to let it break your spirit. They only wish they could be as talented as you and want to bring you down because they feel inferior. Wish them insight and ignore it. THERE IS NO QUILT POLICE.

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  69. Pretti, I love you picket star block. I am using it for my RSC block this year. I love your blog. You are always so uplifting and fun. Thank you for sharing your quilting and talent so generously.

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  70. Thank you for posting. Some people only see what's in front of them and not the whole picture. I'm glad to follow you and never heard of Aunt Marilyn.

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  71. A bit late, but many many hugs to you, friend! Auntie M can kick rocks.

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